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How to Enjoy National Goof-Off Day

March 22, 2022

I am a product of hard-working, get-it-done parents, who were the products of hard-working, get-in-done parents, who were the products of hard-working…

You get it, right? Produce! Produce! Produce!

Productivity is in my DNA, as is apparent in the old photos below. See that guy with the white beard? He’s my great-great-great-great-grandfather. I’m telling you, he was productive.

National Goof-Off Day (which is TODAY!) goes against every hard-working gene in my body.

But, I’ll also let you in on a little secret. Listen up. I’m just going to say this once.

This is What I’ve Learned

Productivity needs a breather every once in a while. Occasionally, we need to “get nothing done” and be okay with that.

I know this is a hard concept for many of you. I can practically feel you recoil at the mention of goofing off. And to do it on a Tuesday?! Impossible!

I get it. You have things you have to do. Stuff piles up. Deadlines loom. Responsibilities summon.

I’m not advocating you goof off all day. Baby steps. But, I think everyone should pencil in some purposefully non-productive activities. Like what? Glad you asked…

In Case You Don’t Know How

I’m betting some of you are such task-oriented, goal-setting achievers that you can’t even conjure up a solid Top Ten Ways to Goof Off list.

This is where I can help.

A writer tends to know how to goof off. I am especially adept at it since I have practiced the art of procrastination, a skill closely related to goofing off, for years. Trust me. If you think goofing off is not for you, I can help fool you into thinking you’re actually accomplishing something.

So, here we go!

  1. Head to your attic and find that box labeled “Keepsakes.” Spend the rest of the day reading notes your friends wrote in your Autograph book from the seventh grade.
  2. Walk up and down your steps until you can remember what it was you lost. Then, continue searching until you realize it is nowhere in the house and is probably lost for all time.
  3. Fire up the laptop or your phone so that you can order whatever it was that you lost, then tap every pop-up ad you’re fed.
  4. Find the end of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Tictok. Do not stop until your laptop/phone/tablet releases you with the words “You’re all caught up.”
  5. By now you’ve had enough screen time. Let’s clean out your closet. Before you say, “Isn’t that a productive, non-goof-off activity?” let me quash your question. No, it is not. Divide your clothes into three piles: keep, give away, throw away. Then put them back into your closet because it’s too complicated and you might need those jeans after you lose ten pounds.

These are all pages from the autograph books I had at age 12-13, 1972 through 1973. I consider it proof that I had friends even at the awkward ages that mark middle-schoolers. I will say, I did have several pages signed by friends who said I was a really sweet girl. I don’t think they knew me very well, but if one day I have to submit evidence to a court charged with determining my guilt or innocence I will certainly unfold those pages.

I’m not sure what a P.O.K is, but if I had to guess, I’d say Bruce wasn’t having a particularly good day that day. And, I really appreciate Doug’s sentiment about my head shape and the meticulous care he put into recording the time of his signing (minus date). Could middle-grade boys be any goofier? I’ll bet they could give us some good tips for today’s holiday.

Oh, There’s More (Sorry)

6. Arrange your spices in alphabetical order. This qualifies as goofing off because we both know those little containers are not going to remain alphabetized. Heck, alphabetize your whole kitchen. May I suggest starting with your pantry? It’s going to be up to you to decide if you file Kraft Macaroni and Cheese under K for Kraft, M for macaroni, or P for pasta.

7. See how many steps it is from your front door to your back door. Then count how many steps are between your laundry room and bedroom. Then count the steps across your front yard. Then backyard. This is an inexhaustible list and can assist you in goofing off for hours. You’re welcome.

8. Look out any window.

9. Try spelling words backwards. If you accomplish this too quickly, you can always try reading a book backwards.

10. See how fast you can roll your office chair down the hall. It helps to have competition, but it’s not necessary. You can record your time and then spend the next few hours trying to beat your record.

11. (BONUS!) Practice holding your breath and then research how long pearl-divers can hold theirs. Kudos to you if you actually pass out.

Remember!

A certain amount of goofing off is beneficial to productivity. All the sociologists and psychologists and time management experts agree on that. You’ve just got to make up your mind to do it.

Or, not do it.

What are some ways you goof off?

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